insecure. conceited. perverted. wise. bitchy. idiotic. insane.

 

Baby: d- d-

Dad: Daddy?

Baby: Digimon digital monsters digimon are the champions

I laid there pretending I was asleep,
He laughed, looked at me and said “I know you’re awake”
I peeped my eyes open
“Howwwwww?”
“I can tell by your breathing”
“Hmmm? How do I breathe?”
“it’s different. It’s subtle and soft. When I listen to you I can tell. You’ll snore softly or loudly, if you’re facing me it’s always loudly and it’s always in my face, but I can tell when you’re rolled over as well. You’re just at peace.”

3rd Grade Teacher: Billy, what is your favorite vegetable?

Me: Cannabis

3rd Grade Teacher: Bruh

Me: Bruh

neptunain:

i got 99 problems and they’re all irrelevant when compared to the infinite vastness of space that occupies everything you could ever know